Two Words: This Sucks!

This sucks!

I have uttered those two words on more than one occasion, and it seems freeing for the listener, almost permission giving to let down a guard of some sort. “Yeah…this does suck”!! Most are almost surprised that a pastor would utter such words. But in a lot of circumstances, especially in times of grief, loss, and trauma, it seems like those two words are a decent way to describe the situation.

Quite honestly, scripture, prayers, words, songs, and useless quips won’t do anything to take away our grief, especially during times of death or emotional turmoil. These aspects and traditions of our faith may help us navigate life during our grief. But they cannot take our grief away.

This sucks! Period.

I thought of this in the context of multiple recent pastoral visits with those who are facing death themselves or helping a loved one care for their dying family member or friend.

If life is a journey of the spirit, as I believe it is, or if life is a process, and with death being an inevitable natural part of life, then death becomes a process and grief becomes a byproduct of the process of life. Grief is a natural way and spiritual process of dealing with death.

Grief is not something we read about, deal with, or really let go of. I still miss my daddy, my grandparents, and other family members and friends that have ended their time in this spiritual place we call earth. Where and when people’s souls go after our time here, I do not know. I can’t begin to answer that question. I have spiritual ideas that hold comfort for me, but no answer that I can find will take my grief away.

I am in that particular time of my grief process that it doesn’t knock me down often or as deep. But when the spirit of my loved ones slips into my consciousness in those thin places of the spiritual plane, that place between the material world and the spiritual realm, I am saddened with both a smile and a tear. A smile that they came to say hello and a tear that I cannot really see them. I can only feel their presence and I am reminded that I truly miss them and the finality of death.

When we do church well the faith community becomes the ones who walk alongside the grieving and the dying. Not to take anything away. But to bring the presence of God to those in need during theirs or their loved one’s transition to the next spiritual place of our soul. Our job, our calling, our vocation as members of a faith community of support, pastor, and church alike, is to help carry the grief so that no one feels alone in the world, especially during those times of transition.

A dear and wise pastor once told me that grief is like a tornado of sorts. It comes around with differing levels of power, but never truly leaves our spirit. We continue to miss those we have lost over the years. This concept was eye opening for me as it helped me realize that on some days, I may be sad or even angry for no apparent reason. With that analogy of grief and that image of coming around every so often I was able to see that I was angry or sad because I was missing someone close to me who is no longer in this material realm of life.

This is commonly known as the different stages of grief. It may help as a reminder that grief is a process that we all go through in multiple ways at multiple times in our life. During the process if we are lucky, we have loved ones, a community of faith, or just a community of friends that can walk alongside us and help us carry our grief. Not to take it away but to help us carry the load.

In some instances, it may help to simply offer spiritual space, a listening ear and someone to help us say…This Sucks!! But I’m here with you and we will walk this process together.

Jesus taught them so that they may teach us, ‘And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.’

God is holding us, and we are holding each other.